here's an update for ya

okay, so i know that in my last blog i wrote that i suck at writing blogs, and i definitely proved myself right because i haven't written in over a month. i owe a big SORRY to dana and bryce because i've promised time and time again that i would write, but i haven't followed through. so here you go...

today has been a really great day of relaxation. i went to work and got an email saying that my class this afternoon was cancelled, so i decided to stay longer and get some more hours. then at 3:15 the office closed because of the weather, so i went home and i've been here ever since. emery and i made breakfast for dinner. it was AMAZING! there's something about eating pancakes and eggs for dinner that just hits the spot. i did some reading for class, but that always makes me fall asleep, so i moved on to talking on the phone...

just some thoughts floating around in my head:

i love how a talk with a close friend can make me vocalize how i really feel. how i'm forced to find words to explain my emotions and examples to support my rationalizations. it helps clear my mind.

i really don't like the question: "are you mad at me?"
well, first of all, i don't like when people use the word "mad" because it means deranged or crazy, as in the insane Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland. try and use "angry" or "upset."

secondly, that question doesn't really have a good answer if you are "mad". for example, let's say that a person IS "mad," if they answer the question with a "yes," then they lose because they're "mad" at the other person, and let's face it, people don't like it when other people are "mad" at them. if the person who is "mad" answers "no," then they lose double time because they not only lied about being "mad," but they also continue to be "mad" because they didn't share their true feelings and explain their frustrations.

are there some good ways to answer that dreaded question?


besides those random thoughts, life has been good. this past weekend i went snowboarding for the second time ever, and i did a ton of falling. i probably spent just as much time on the ground as i did on the board. :) it was still a lot of fun. my whole body has been aching for the past few days though. i wish i had more opportunities to go snow boarding. i really want to get good at it, but with only having the chance to go once or twice a year, it's going to take a while before i can make it down the hill in style.


i've been thinking about my future lately. not really by choice. i really dislike thinking about the future. it's probably because in the past i've made plans, and they've always gotten changed, so i'd rather just go along for the ride, and whatever happens, happens. I've learned that allowing God to take the lead in where i go and what i do, works out much better, but it's also very hard to plan in that way, too. our world doesn't plan with God's will in mind and people expect you to know what you want to do for the next year and even the year after that. it's hard when i don't even know what i'm supposed to do this summer! it's exciting to see all of the opportunities that i have at my finger tips, but i know that i can't do them all. opportunities like going to india or kenya this summer, or even to go to bangladesh next spring, are all options, and they all have their pros and cons. i don't know which choices are the best, which are the ones that God has for me. i've been praying for him to open and close doors because most of the time having a lot of options is overwhelming to me. i'd rather just have one opportunity, so that i wouldn't have to make a decision. God has been faithful in closing some doors and opening some others, and sometimes that can be disappointing, but it's also a blessing because i know that he's there, and he's listening to me. he knows me, and how much i hate making these decisions for myself, and he's really just asking me to faithfully give my future plans to him and to wait on his direction.

all of that to really just explain why i hate deadlines that are fast approaching for things that i haven't decided on yet. why can't the world be okay with not knowing what i'm doing for the summer?? or for next year??

i don't want this to sound like i'm complaining because i really do feel blessed to have all of these amazing opportunities available to me. i don't want to complain about how hard it is to decide which foreign country i should travel to? or how long i should drag out school?

school is a blessing. traveling is a blessing. having a future is a blessing.


okay. i'm done.

oh! i almost forgot another confession...#3:
today was ash wednesday, and for those of you who don't know, it marks the first day of the lenten season. now, i grew up catholic, and there are many things i could confess about lent especially things from when i was little, like the competitions we used to have in my classmates for whose ash cross was the darkest or whose cross could last the longest on their forehead. lame, i know, but when you're a kid things are always a competition...so yeah, now that i am i christian, lent doesn't mean the same thing it did when i was younger. i understand that it is more than giving up candy and tv, and not eating meat on fridays.

this year i have decided to give up something, but i'm doing it because everytime i crave this thing, i want to think of Christ and his ultimate sacrifice for all mankind. my confession for this blog is that i'm giving up coffee drinks for lent! i know, not really a funny confession, but it's a confession to say the least. so yeah, hopefully by the time i find myself writing another blog, i will be able to say that i've held strong and stayed away from beaners and starbucks. i'll keep you guys posted.


until then...